Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
