The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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