Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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