im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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