You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
