sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
