If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Let's get the cat blown out
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
