u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He better not be in your backpack
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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