I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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