well you can't waste a boner
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
