You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
