I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
