I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
