So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
