I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
