Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The beer is more important than you right now.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
