So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
That accounts for only three of the penises
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
