just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Watching her eat just hurts me
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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