I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
