Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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