Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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