We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
