Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
