I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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