He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
