is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It's never too late to be topless.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
