Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You're a waste of cheezeits
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
