How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
