I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
