cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
