My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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