There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
