Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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