Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
