defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
