It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Found the puke drawer
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
