so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Houston, we have a squirter
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
