Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
