2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My bed smells like the plague
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
