i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think a kid would responsible me up
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
