last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
