Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
