I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
