We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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