If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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