They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
