The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
