I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
