First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
