Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
